Brixton Tesco lands intergalactic deal with Star Wars planet

Written by on September 5, 2014 in Food, News - 3 Comments
Bantha milk from Star Wars now 'available' in Brixton Tesco

Bantha milk from Star Wars now ‘available’ in Brixton Tesco

Always fancied yourself as Luke Skywalker, supping some refreshing blue milk from the cow-like Banthas – hand-reared by the Sandpeople of Tatooine? Me neither actually. But now you can!

Fresh from providing the latest in surrealist advice for wine connoisseurs – culture-jamming miscreants id-iom have taken to creating bespoke commodities: available for purchase in a Tesco in Brixton.

Hot on the shelves this week are two products which are distinctly not local.

Sourced from the remote Tatooine (Where’s that? In a galaxy far, far, away you idiot!), the blue Bantha milk is sourced directly from the local Tusken Raiders (or ‘Sandpeople’), one of whom adorns the label to tell you how proud he is to be partnered with Tesco.

Another fantastical product is the Tesco’s Finest Melange ‘spice’, fresh from the desert planet Arrakis, of Dune fame. It’s phenomenally addictive, and fortunately very versatile: ‘Can be used in any food’, the label tells us. The manufacturers urge caution, however, as side effects can include ‘increased life span, greater vitality… physiological changes and addiction. Withdrawal is fatal.’ At just £99.99, this rare resource will get you hooked and have you waging interplanetary wars to control its production in no time!

Id-iom explain what a coup this has been for Tesco:

Never one to miss a trick Tesco’s have made a couple of intergalactic deals and got their hands on some of the good stuff. [Melange spice] is harvested by hand on the desert planet Arrakis from the excretions of the highly dangerous giant sandworm. Tesco’s then ship it to earth and package it up in their Finest range for just under £100 for 4g. A bargain to be sure. Get it while it lasts…

From Arrakis to Brixton - Melange 'spice' is versatile but ruinously addictive

From Arrakis to Brixton – Melange ‘spice’ is versatile but ruinously addictive

Sholto, one half of brother-duo id-iom, told Brixton Blog:

"Withdrawal is fatal" - Dried Melange 'Spice' from Arrakis

“Withdrawal is fatal” – Dried Melange ‘Spice’ from Arrakis

We initially did the fake wine descriptions in Tesco’s for blue nun and the like, as the pretentious descriptions were not doing much for me. The labels got quite a bit of attention so I thought it was a good idea and it just snowballed from there.

Every time I’d go in, I’d come up with a new idea and leave with a twinkle in my eye… I like the idea of a little corporate subversion whilst also potentially giving eagle eyed customers a bit of amusement too. I think it’s a combination of ‘why the fuck not’ and the fact that it’s nice to mess with people’s expectations a little.

But with only arid planets being targeted so far for Tesco’s intergalactic trading, you have to ask, have they already got their just deserts? Sorry.

"Bantha Milk" label in Brixton Tesco

“Bantha Milk” label in Brixton Tesco

It’s not the first time Bantha Milk has shown up somewhere unexpected, as this Youtube video shows

 

About the Author

Luke is a writer, campaigner and part of the Brixton Blog family.
Follow him on Twitter: @Luke_Mas

3 Comments on "Brixton Tesco lands intergalactic deal with Star Wars planet"

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